


Choices Can't Be Taken Back

by saturnulysses



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, Hurt, Other, ansgt, templar tears, this is what happens when you date a mage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-21
Updated: 2015-11-21
Packaged: 2018-05-02 17:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5257706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saturnulysses/pseuds/saturnulysses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lienn Trevelyan is having trouble ignoring Cullen's work as a Templar, and finally at one point isn't able to take it any longer. Cullen wonders why Lienn is so passionate about the subject, but Lienn isn't going to be very open about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Choices Can't Be Taken Back

Cullen stared at the box with the lyrium equipment before getting frustrated and throwing it across the room, just a foot away from where Lienn entered. He immediately regretted the decision as the mage entered the room.

"Maker's breath! I didn't hear you enter!" he exclaimed. "Forgive me."

Lienn laughed. "Shit aim you have, eh?"

"I swear, I didn't--" Cullen walked about halfway around his desk before faltering, and gripping onto the edge of his desk for support. Lienn quickly chased after. Cullen sighed. "I never meant for this to interfere."

Lienn watched as the commander backed off from their support so he could look them in the eye. "You asked what happened at Ferelden's Circle?" Lienn nodded. "It was taken over by abominations. The templars--my friends--were slaughtered." Cullen walked to the back of the room, to the window, so he could look out of it. The words were being difficult to say, especially now that Lienn was here, but he had to say them nonetheless. He took a moment before speaking again.

"I was tortured. They tried to break my mind, and I-- how can you be the same _person_ after that?" He sighed, almost laughing at himself, and continued. "Still, I wanted to serve. They sent to to Kirkwall. I trusted my Knight-Commander and for what, hm? Her fear of mages ended in madness."

And in that moment, Lienn had to take a considerate pause. Information just had been passed to them that meant many things. One, that Cullen had a fair reason to be suspicious of mages as Lienn had noticed before. And two, he is not claiming responsibility for anything that happened in Kirkwall. While he was Knight Captain. While Lienn was-- it's not important. What's important is that he's blaming it all on Meredith. Sure, she was definitely at fault, but so was every single templar in the Kirkwall Circle. Lienn could let this slide of course, but would they? Probably not. It's not really in their nature to not speak their mind.

"So..." Lienn finally spoke, "all this on the Knight-Commander, but what of the Knight Captain?"

Cullen's brow furrowed. "What of me?"

Lienn crossed their arms and wanted to laugh, but didn't. "What? Are you serious? You take none of the blame? You're _exalted_?"

"I never said--!"

"Oh, but didn't you! _Didn't_ you!" they interrupted. "Do you take any responsibility for Kirkwall? _At all_?"

"Lienn, that's not the--"

"It may not be, but now I'm making it! Are you blaming it on Meredith or not?" With every response Lienn gave, the more emotion they gave into it, and the more frustrated they got with Cullen. So far, no answers, and they were fearing for the worst.

"It's not a matter of which templar took responsibility, it's--"

"You fucking _what_?!" Lienn shouted.

"Lienn, if you could let me finish a single sentence, then I could--"

"Then you could what, eh? Turn a blind eye as you let another innocent mage become Tranquil?!"

"Lienn, this is completely ridiculous!" Cullen said with a matching tone.

"Oh, isn't it? How long were you serving as Knight-Captain, eh? How long?" they asked. Cullen narrowed his eyes, not seeing the point of the question. "Eight years."

"All right," Lienn said more calmly. "So throughout all of those eight years of being practically fucking in charge, you never once thought, 'Hey, maybe I shouldn't allow this to happen! This mage doesn't deserve this punishment!'? Maybe you had some fucking mercy in your heart for once, eh!?"

"I was a young man!" Cullen shouted back.

"There were younger mages!" Lienn quickly retorted. "Do you really not fuckin' realize the lives you've cost because of your own fuckin' mistakes? Not Meredith's? You were able to stop a templar from beating or raping mages in that Circle! But what the fuck did you do?!" Lienn couldn't take this anymore. As soon as they said that, their eyes started to water, and they had to get out as soon as possible. They turned for the door, but they had to leave saying something.

"I know what templars are willing to do to make a mage shut up," they said quietly, not looking back at Cullen. "And I don't think you do." Lienn closed the door behind them and Cullen was left alone with his work once more.

Shit, he thought. He sat back down in his chair, palms in his hands. This was his first argument--fight with them, and he was able to see it coming from miles away. There was no way for him to avoid some sort of conflict with Lienn, not with their outspokenness and passion like that. He was so focused on the words said to him that he didn't notice his heartbeat and breathing becoming slightly irregular. Damn it. He wouldn't be able to speak to Lienn until both of them calmed down, but at least that gave them both time to think.

\--

"Agh, those fucking Venatori!" Lienn cursed as they struggled to walk, even with their arm around Dorian. Two arrows through their left leg and a dagger to back, they were surprised they were walking at all.

"Yes, charming fellows, aren't they?" Dorian had said in effort to cheering the pyromancer up. It did, but the laugh sounded weak. "We need to get you back to Skyhold."

"Ha, no shit," Lienn said and immediately winced for a few seconds. "Sorry... hurts."

"I know. You're lucky we had enough potions to get you this far. And you're even luckier we're relatively close to Skyhold."

"Oy, fuckin good." Lienn could feel their vision blurring again. They turned around to see if they could see Varric and Cassandra behind them, only to see about eight Varrics and Cassandras. "Hey, Beauty," Varric called. "You hanging in there?"

"The dw-- th-- gnnaa--" and they were out.

\--

The stone ceiling above Lienn seemed slightly familiar as they recognized they were back at Skyhold. The air was cold against their bare? chest. The wound must have been bad enough that they must have removed their shirt. They tried sitting up, but immediately regretted it as pain shot through their entire abdomen. "Shit," they hissed.

"Best not to move," said the nurse pouring a small bowl of cool water for her patient. "Will only make it worse. It's good you're awake, though. You've been out for a day and a half."

"Only that long?" Lienn joked. The nurse poured the water into their mouth with success. "Well, how am I looking?"

"Oh, you'll survive. The mages healed your leg to near perfection, though you'll still be plenty sore, but the stab wound will keep you in here for another day or two. Will give you a nasty scar, I'm afraid." Lienn weakly laughed. "I'm sure you've noticed that I've had my fair share of scars."

"True enough," the nurse chuckled. "I'll leave you alone, then."

It had been little less than a week since the last time Cullen and Lienn had spoken, and with Lienn's almost fatal incident, Cullen was growing nervous. He needed to talk to them. He needed to... apologize. And to make sure Lienn was okay. To ask why Lienn felt so passionate about Kirkwall to begin with.

He saw the nurse leave the infirmary and approached her. "Are they all right?"

The nurse had a small smile, and nodded. "The mage is healing well, and is awake. If you like you may speak to them now."

She nodded again, and headed her way towards others who needed help.

Lienn needed to stand and stretch their legs, no matter the pain. Whatever, they've been through worse. One leg at a time their legs got to the floor and Lienn pulled themselves up slowly, wincing. One step at a time they made their way to the large bowl of water opposite the door and went to rinse their face. Sure, the water was cold, but it was at least a little refreshing.

There was a knock on the door that Lienn didn't bother to answer, for Lienn knew who it was. He was going to enter anyway. Cullen opened the door.

"Lienn, are you--" He stopped when he saw the mage in front of him, facing away. Bare back with bandages, there were long, thick scars practically covering the entirety of Lienn's back and shoulders. Years old, it seemed. Lienn could feel him staring, and stood at the water bowl, waiting for him to speak. Cullen took a slow step forward.

"Lienn, I--"

"What." They cut them off sharply.

"H-how old were you?" he asked quietly.

"It was five years ago, in Kirkwall." They answered curtly.

_Under his command_. It damned him to think of it. Somewhere in the Circle he allowed for this to happen. For the person he was falling for. A templar had decided their own punishment for a mage, someone they're sworn to protect, and acted it out in front of who knows how many. How did Cullen never hear of this? He couldn't come to defend himself anymore.

"Lienn..." he called. His eyes were welling up. No answer. The mage's hand's were tightly gripping the small table holding the water bowl. "Lienn, I'm sorry." A tear fell from Cullen's eye as he walked forward. All of his mistakes were being played before him, over and over again. They were laid bare on Lienn's back. His failure to protect. His failure as Knight Captain. He would never be able to make up for it, he knew. When he got close enough, he gently touched Lienn's arm, with them still facing away. They didn't move away, nor into the touch. The more he looked at them, the more the tears fell from his eyes. He carefully wrapped his arms around them, and cried into their shoulder.

"I'm so, so sorry..." he whispered into their scarred, brown skin. Lienn began shaking under his touch. They wanted to cry as well, but they wanted to keep that to themselves. They stilled themselves, and was able to reply to Cullen.

"I know."

His cry turned into a sob and he gripped them tighter. Lienn had never expected this reaction from him. They never really expected for him to find out in this way either, but they couldn't fight it now.

"W-will you ever forgive me?" Cullen stammered out.

Lienn turned around and tightly embraced him--fuck the pain--and stuffed their face into his neck. This eased Cullen's tears, and he accepted the hug and returned it. They stayed like this for a few moments in perfect silence. Lienn looked back to him, their eyes meeting, and wiped away his tears. With an invisible smile, Lienn nodded in response to his question, and both of them leaned forward for their foreheads to touch.

"I'm sorry for what happened at Ferelden's Circle," Lienn had quietly said. "No one should ever have to suffer through that." A moment passed before they spoke again. "And you should stay off lyrium."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. You are no dog of the Chantry. You are your own man. It's your chance to prove it."

Cullen barely smiled. "Thank you for believing that." Lienn smiled the same smile back.

"It's hard for me to believe anything else. I just want you to." 

"I will," he said. "I promise."


End file.
